I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
