I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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