i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
