Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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