u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
