He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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