Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I accidentally had phone sex last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
