Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
