Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
