I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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