Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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