I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
