I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
