im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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