Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
