Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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