Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize