the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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