Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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