My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
