He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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