My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
