I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
