On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
