Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
