I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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