Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
