You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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