I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We got so high we made milksteak
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
