i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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