she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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