I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
