I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
