I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
