someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
