i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Never joke about your clitoris.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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