Already got asked if we're dating
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
