Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
