i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
