Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
