Me. At least after what I've been through.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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