All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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