he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
