They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
