I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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