and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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