Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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