Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
