I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
