I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is this the sara with the beer cane?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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