So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
