I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
