I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
