i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's get the cat blown out
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
