porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
