I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am naked and annoyed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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