My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
