So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
