My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
