He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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