My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
