i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you win again, gameday.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
