She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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