Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
