I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
