There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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