It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
