i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
accomplished twins. life is a go
im holly from the hills drunk
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
