what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize