The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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