Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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