Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
