Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't turn off my feet"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
