biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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