At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
